I don't know why something always happens to me, but when I sat down to play this, my opponent hadn't turned up. Then a chap rushed in and sat opposite and started playing. 10 moves in, someone told us we were both on the same side! My real opponent turned up later.

1. e4 c5 Sicilian, eh. It's a good name for it. Devious and sneaky, like the mafia sticking a knife in your ribs. Not a proper manly opening like ...e5. 2. Nf3 d6 3. d4 I've been doing a bit better against the Sicilain lately, since I stopped playing the Morra and the Wing gambit. 3... cxd4 4. Nxd4 Nf6 5. Nc3 a6 I wasn't going to put my bishop on b5 anyway. 6. Bc4 e6 7. Bg5 Nbd7 He's playing very defensively. I might get f4 and e5 in. 8. Qd2 Keep him guessing which side I'm going to castle. I don't know myselff yet anyway. 8... b5 9. Bb3 Bb7 10. f3 Be7 11. Nce2 I thought I'd blundered, and ..e5 gets my knight, but it can go to f5 11... O-O Time for a little combination. 12. Bxe6 fxe6 13. Nxe6 Qb6 14. Nxf8 Rxf8 I thought I was winning easily now, but the snag is, I've got 3 pieces in play and he's got 6. 15. Be3 Qc7 16. O-O Ne5 I don't want his knight on c4, it could be a bit awkward. 17. b3 Rc8 18. Rac1 d5 This is getting a bit tricky. he's making his extra piece count. 19. exd5 Nxd5 20. Bf4 Get plenty of pins going, and he might make a mistake. 20... Bc5+ 21. Kh1 Qe7 22. Rfe1 Another potential pin 22... Qf6 Better start swapping stuff, to make my material extra count before he gets it back. 23. Bxe5 Qxe5 24. Ng3 Be3 Oh dear, this is getting complicated. If he takes my queen, I get his, but then he gets my rook. Can't have that. 25. Qd3 Rc3 Help! Keep calm, you fool! Qe2, Nf4 looks pretty nasty, so 26. Qf1 Qf4 Nearly everything on the back rank, but only one piece en prise. What to do though? Oh yes, the fork! 27. Ne2 Qg5 Got to be very careful here. Nf4 looks very dangerous again. In fact, that Knight's a pain. My rooks en prise. Still I've had a lot of practise defending hopeless causes lately. 28. Nxc3 Bxc1 29. Nxd5 Bd2 That's a surprise. I suppose he thinks he can get the knight any time. What about Re8ch, Kf7Re7ch hitting the bishop. No, my knight's still en prise. So I'd have v Queen and bishop. What about Qe2 soemwhere in there, hitting his black bishop? No I've seem something better. 30. Rd1 Bxd5 31. Qd3 Bye Bye bishop. 31... Bf4 32. Qxd5+ Bye bye game! 1-0